i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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