there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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