Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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