if only i could text you this smell
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize