I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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