Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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