idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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