The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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