Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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