she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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