2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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