There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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