Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize