highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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