my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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