I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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