He asked to "fluff my boner.."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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