Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize