i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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