There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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