if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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