I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize