If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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