he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize