: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize