i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize