So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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