Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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