I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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