Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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