Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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