Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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