once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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