I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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