You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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