Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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