I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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