I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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