There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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