i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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