It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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