The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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