I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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