ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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