Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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