i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Drunk is not a location!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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