so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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