Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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