no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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