and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
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Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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